Dating mmmm

Dating

So the guy I was shopping  with whose homosexual flamboyancy helped to out me, well we were meeting up for dinner at his house a few weeks later after an awkward experience where he came onto me in his car and gave me head and I didn’t enjoy it, sorry but I didn’t find him attractive at all. So anyway I was going for dinner and going to set it all straight when we were leaving the take out store when I replied to a friend’s text who wrote you going to fuck him tonight haha. I text back in haste, stupidly and regrettable in his dreams if he thinks I’m going to sleep with him he is dreaming I can do better. I pressed send and his phone instantly went off when he said what's this I panicked, looked at my sent messages …. I had sent it to him, he knew, he looked at me in anger I felt bad, but relived and just wanted to scream now do you get it why I don’t reciprocate, but I felt bad. The he stated and I mean stated if you don’t like me fuck off, I don’t need this shit. I thanked him and left. I also left some of my favorite DVDs at his house arse hole always denied it but I had it coming I guess.

I remember once this guy kept messaging me and always asks how my day was and he was genuinely nice. While I saw his picture he looked a little older than his age and I am into guys my age or slightly younger.  Anyways he would always be eating out with friends, reading a book. I would be out drinking or watching TV. Anyway so he finally got the nerve to ask me out and I said yes politely although his lifestyle concerned me a little, I just aint the healthy centered type like him, I’m indulgent and an emotion mess nine out of ten day unless I have a permanent man who keeps me happy and grounded and that I have learnt now is a bad thing. But back to the point, our date was set for Friday night, on the Wednesday before he messages me and as usual ask how I am, what am I up to I say just got home had a few drinks  about to get into bed and watch my shows. Thursday he calls me, and asks the same thing, I said I’m at the neighbors place having dinner and drinks. He says ohh weren’t you drinking last night. I’m like yeah! After a slight pause he says so what are you doing later? Probably jump into bed and watch my shows. His jaw must have feel and panic mode set off in his mind. He replies you watch a lot of TV don’t you. My head was as phased as he must have been, so I laughed it off and said I guess I like TV, don’t you own a TV and drink regularly? He said I don’t own a TV or drink much if ever. I couldn’t have said it better if I had planned it but I knew this date was not going to happen and I had to kill it now, so I said ohh really, well thank you, thank you for not wasting my time and saving me from the most awkward experience of my life, seriously who doesn’t own a TV in 2013 and if I want to drink that’s my choice. I wished him a good life and hung up. Crisis averted.

I remember this one time I met this guy on grindr of course that anti social media device... but it serves a purpose. Anyway I had been in a relationship for over two years before I was single and we met we had always just chatted and he always stated he liked me and I did like him he was nice, smart and charming. So anyway we met for ice cream on the beach and the conversation was pleasant, I wasn’t as attracted to him as I thought but I went back to his house and well I was horny he was keen so I went there. For a long time I fantasized about this moment, he was a total bottom and I just wanted to get off. Off is exactly what it was. He kissed like a chicken pecking at a seed, he laid jus on me, not attempt to merge our bodies it was awkward and weird and all I could think was please get hard, go hard at it and head to the nearest exit and that’s exactly why I did, I faked my orgasm (women aren’t the only ones that can do that) and I left, never to return and my fantasy about Mr. perfect was long dead, I felt shallow, lost and confused how was this perfect man so bad in bed, like he surely was experienced but then with all his experiences why was he still single when all he wanted more than anything was a partner. That was the warning light I didn’t see.

So I finally found a nice guy, ethnic background, cute, nice job, tall dark handsome and gay, settles and sorted my age and coincidently lived in my apartment building, and across the hall. So I had been seeing before and when I first started talking to him a guy who said he wasn’t out, he would come over to my apartment, he did it by the storage rooms, the pool, BBQ area, pool shower rooms, parking garage. It was fun and exhilarating I missed the thrill when he moves across country. Anyways so after a few months of seeing the nice guy, he started to open up about his ex, he was cheating on him, I felt so bad, I knew that feeling and I told him I’d never hide anything from you that I was an honest person. Then he told me his name, how they lived together here, and that he moves across country. It was the guy I was seeing, I was the other guy, I was this guy he called many names that I encouraged. Yeah I sorry I wasn’t about to risk a relationship with a nice guy because his ex lied to us both nor did I want to start one on mutual hatred, at the end of the day I was the other guy and he had the trump card. So it wasn’t until a few months later the ex came back into the scene and nice guy told him he was seeing someone, and the ex took his chance and told him all about us, my secret was out and it was over he was so angry I was now the cause of two relationships ending, like seriously it wasn’t my fault yes I omitted the truth but was my sexual past really his business? I can understand him not wanting to be with me, because of what his ex did but I didn’t feel responsible at all. So about a year later I get chatting to this guy and he happened to roommates with nice guy and we started playing around, it was great he was discreet he didn’t want anyone to know he was gay, until one night nice guy came home early found us in bed in what turned out not to be his room but the guest room. I did it to him twice, I slept with yet another one of his boyfriends and I knew I had hurt him bad; he didn’t even get angry all he had to say was just leave. And like that I took the stairs and never the lift and I always came in and out of the building through the garage so I wouldn’t bump into him. I fell I may haunt him forever three relationship in a row over because of me, I could no longer deny it my hands did have blood on them now.

Now they say what goes around, well my next date after this we met on the beach how ironic. He was tall as always but blonde and new to town and quiet kind of guy always had nice conversations, never anything seedy, just nice talk I thought if anything maybe a new friend. So no sooner we greet each other I asked where we should sit, he says let’s find somewhere private where we can screw!!!! My instinct told me this wasn’t going to work he is only after sex so I politely informed him I wasn’t in the mood for that I just wanted to hang out and talk,  his face was taken back I don’t know if it was that this tall attractive fit man was not just used to being turned down but was turned down by someone not as fit as he is, but so sooner the we begin to walk he says ‘dam I just got a message I need to be somewhere can we do this again’. I thank him to a degree however seriously in daylight, in public the open line on a date, who in their right mind says they want to fuck? Like this is real life face to face not grindr where you do get to the point when that is all your after but seriously. Oh well it could have been worse I could have wasted a few hours having to make awkward small talk with him, but then that could have been worse for him than for me, kind of similar to my first love.

I once had a date with a guy who spoke about how he idolized Hitler and his ideals. It was the most awkward few moments of my life also the shortest date I ever had. I headed for the ‘bathroom’ and was out of there. OMG let me tell you two good friends of mine, one I met because I thought he was hot and turned out he is attractive but I wasn’t attracted to him but we are great friends, and then I met his friend who has a partner. He is cute and attractive and we made good mates too. Now I see his partner from time to time and knew they weren’t happy and I was saddened because to me they were the ideal gay couple I looked up to jealous even they had what I was lacking, until one night we were all having dinner out and his partner was staring at me awkwardly all night so I made small talk and tried to feel less awkward and then he dropped a mother of all indecencies at the dinner table he blatantly looks at me and says so my boyfriend has declared his love for you he has been hiding for yours and ended it with me last week in hopes to confess his love to you. What do you do when someone says that to you, silence was in the air all three of them looking at me, I sat there stunned thinking in my head run, run to the nearest exit, instead I laughed and excused myself and moved to the nearest exit indeed. This gentle men messaged me and called me explain how this wasn’t how he wanted me to find out, as I kindly explained, it was one of life’s ultimate cruelties to make you so attracted to someone you want so bad as to ruin a long relationship, for someone who has interests in their next relationship should I say I need to stop  starting relationships like a soap opera. Which I am often told as a soap fan I don’t need to watch them, I live one.

The worst date I ever had will go down in my opinion as Mr. Delusional. So we met up and it was dark and generally I don’t date older but I decided to give it a chance after all I was twenty seven and he was thirsty two, even in the dark the skin on his neck gave away his dirty secret. Panic mode, what do I do, stupidly I thought he seems nice, I’ll have a nice night be polite and leave I at this, after all I’m now in his living room. So he says lets have some dinner and see a movie, then asks me what car I drive, I told him a Toyota. He looks at me, I look back and he goes well no, I  have a mazaradi and porche which one do you want to take, my death stare said I’m not into cars so whatever you prefer. He chose the porche which he couldn’t drive this guy was so old he was blind. He was all over the road missed corners and had no idea, when I asked him if he was okay to drive and knew how to use a stick shift he said I’m new to town, my thoughts possible new to driving. So he says where is the movies and I told him I wanted to eat first, he replied of course but I want to see whats on. I told him I'd check on my phone he is all no I want to go in. Fuck me, so he pulls up and we go in and he asked what I wanted to see, I told him and he says to the lady two tickets to his choice of movie, but wait there is more, he did at least ask me do you want to see it at nine thirty in 3D or see it at eight. I said eight ill fall asleep by nine thirty and I hate 3D movies. So of course he says nine thirty please, I want to see it in 3D. Why didn’t I take my own car is all I could think of.  But at least he said did you want anything to eat here, ahh dinner first dumb arse. I was polite I told him I’d get something later when we came back, then on the first meet, we had known each other a whole half an hour he told me no your not eating the shit here. The shit here ill eat what I want, when I want. So we get back in his death mobile and he asks me what I want for dinner, like I’m sure you get the idea by now, why does he even ask, but honestly I replied I could murder a burger right now. He pulls up at the fanciest restaurant in town. So uncomfortably eating I ask him how old are you? He tells me he is forty five. Mmmm your two years younger than my parents, I was officially freaked and then to add insult to the injury he had already caused to my first opinion of him, he says how old are you by the look of those lines on your face. My mind was like did he just go there, I looked blatantly at him and reaffirmed I didn’t lie about my age and I legged the fucked out of there. Shame on me for staying so long, towards the end I deserved it for staying so long. Needless to say when he messaged me to when id be coming back and why I was taking so long, I let him have it.

Okay now this one or next two could I could have dealt with in a different light however let’s say I did enjoy them so I only being true to myself. I was at work and talking with a girlfriend I worked with and she started talking about her new boyfriend. She said he lived near me and mentioned his name. It rang a bell and I asked if he lived in the apartment building my guy did. Sure enough we she showed me his picture and I said yep, he’s closet gay know him. She didn’t believe me so she said I’ll believe you if you prove it, I said id talk to him again and swap pictures. A few days later I said yeah I got pictures, she said really show me, I showed then I told her the extent of it, I slept with her boyfriend. She was gutted I described him in perfect detail, his bedroom and I even taught her a few of his sexual preferences, unfortunately in honesty she wasn’t one of them. But to be honest she was angry but he was gay, it didn’t count in my opinion and that’s the stance I took. She stopped talking to both of.

Okay now this one I do kind of sit on the fence with but think if your work place nemesis. Mine was a bossy, troublemaking, widely hated bitch, I’m sorry but a bitch and when I discovered her husband was gay, I had a momentary dilemma, tell her and bring down her perfect life she lords over everyone with just to ice off her bitchiness or keep the secret and whenever she projects her terrible people skills snigger to myself as I know better. Hahahaha not me I told that bitch I fucked her husband and that he had fucked half of the gay population in the city we lived, in some ways you could say I did her a favor, after all if you were her wouldn’t you want to know if your partner wasn’t into you sexually and was cheating.

Now this wasn’t the first time I was in this situation I had met up in my younger says before I came out, I was seeing a guy who was clearly gay, everyone could see it. So when I found out he was married I was shocked, like was she dumb or blind? By this time this guy had brought me gifts told me he loved me and we had been talking about a relationship. So I followed him home one day and sent a letter to his wife telling her that her husband was gay and I was his former lover if you could me that more like his whore. I was unsettled about it and after I mailed the letter I remember my gut feeling in this situation like I have no idea what might happen, will she believe me, will he come after me, but did I feel better to relive my hurt, no it actually didn’t unlike in the former situation, I felt worse, I felt guilty like I ruined a marriage, like it wasn’t my thing to confess to the world, like Queen Audacity had done to me.

So I was in the closet still and dating this chick who suspected I was gay, yet we kept dating. Needless to say I was more into her brother. Well when she busted us, in their parents lounge room there was no more denying it. However what I did learn is two things firstly don’t have sex in someone’s lounge room because you will mostly likely find yourself in an awkward situation and secondly the both moaned the same and both loved giving head, I couldn’t complain there.  These two weren’t the last siblings I had, two brothers one gay and one he described himself as ‘Curious A Sexual’, whatever you want to make of that. They looked similar, different penis sizes and clearly one better than the other. I don’t know why I am proud of these conquests but they make me smile still today. Needless to say when the brother I was dating told me he loved me I confessed and he never spoke to me again. I wasn’t all that upset as much as I loved him too, I’d probably never have the chance to screw two brothers again, a boyfriend I can always find.

So I had Christmas at home one year over two thousand kilometers away, and on my way home after two weeks of abstinence I needed a lay, bad. So I had been chatting to this cute twenty year old on grindr and we agreed to meet up he lived with his folks so I said okay well I will take a break driving anyway and your about half ways so feel welcome to spend the night if you like, like I wanted as much as possible, he knew I was going home. So we met and again we went down the beach and had a swim and he was all over me, I’m not into public displays of affection and he said to me get this, this is when I knew I had yet another crazy ‘you don’t need to be shy or nervous just because I have good looks your not that bad’. I fucked him and left him! Then I had messages telling me how he was making plans to come up, find a job so we could be together and he loved me. I had to block his number, he was a freak yet again the universe shows it’s hatred toward me in my love life.

I remember once I met a guy we went for a walk had a drink and just talked and he was nice, id have had him for a friend. Anyway the next day I had a million messages, how are you? When can I see you? What are you doing? Are you angry at me? Awkward … so I met him a few days later and said hey sorry I can only see you for a quick catch up I’ve been busy and he begins to lecture me on only wanting to spend time with me because he cares and it goes on. I ended it then and there; there is no relationship or possibility of it. Why is it you meet someone your into they break your heart or they aren’t into you but the ones you’re not into are into you. Why? Why is the universe so cruel? Needless to say I was a slut and a bitch and I’m going to get aids. He was not happy I shut down the possibility of anything more than friends, but when someone behaves like this, especially so early ahhh lets say not going to work. So I meet a nice guy my type he was way into me too, turns out it was Mr. Needys best friend, it was over within weeks not to my choice id have gone there all we did is meet in public twice and speak, if he yet he carried on how into me he was and how heartbroken he was over me. I feel I attract stalkers.

So I had met this guy for lunch, let call him Mr. Pig because he was I was young and inexperienced and he seemed nice, every bitchy in an in your face way which I would normally reserve for friends who know me well, not on the first date. Anyway he asked me back to his place for a drink and I said sure. When we arrived I asked who was there, I thought he lived alone, he said my parents are here so be quiet and he grabbed my arm yelled out I’m just going in the gym, and pushed my though the door pulled out his penis and said now drink this. Firstly I don’t parents unless they’re worth it he hadn’t achieved this level yet and secondly it smelt, his foreskin was grossly long and cold when I touched it, I as out of there like a flash. A few months later I was out with friends for a birthday and I was completely wasted, I don’t ever remember being that drunk, he came over and I introduced him and he began chatting and joined us, we decided we needed food and were leaving he invited us all back to his, yeah good idea, how about what did I do. I felt so sick as soon as we got back I was throwing up, he put me in his bed and subconsciously I heard when my friend were getting ready to leave and no way did I want to stay there I tried to scream and I tried to move and all I accomplished in my state was to end up on the floor where I was sick again, I was lying in my sick. He came in and picked me up and wiped my face then proceeded to get me to give him head and tried to fuck me without lube, that shit woke me up enough to go, he tried to stop me, telling me I was too drunk I was gone, I had no idea where my phone or wallet was but I left and I walked all the way home being sick along the way. He asked me out again a few weeks later I informed he I wasn’t attracted to him and asked him to lose my number.